


Toxic Habits

by ApparentlyAda



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Fluff, GHOST PUNS, M/M, Some angst, Soulmate-Identifying Marks, What Have I Done, akaashi is stunning even as a fucking ghost damn, bokuto is a Mess™, kuroo and bokuto are dorks
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-24
Updated: 2016-12-24
Packaged: 2018-09-09 11:50:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,601
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8889685
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ApparentlyAda/pseuds/ApparentlyAda
Summary: The gentle patter of raindrops on the street, along with the soft songs on the radio make everything even more intimate. Going on trips with Kuroo's always had such an effect on him, bringing him, above everything, the peace of mind he needs - Right now, Bokuto can see the amazing scenery they're driving by, barely able to catch short glimpses of it from time to time, while trying desperately to imprint the last glimpse in his mind forever. ("Just like life", he thinks). There's also a multitude of stars above him, if he looks directly up from the window - they're all so unique and beautiful and the thought that they're so far away saddens him, honestly. But, what probably calms the ex-captain the most down are the lights placed alternatively on the empty street - they're dim and soft and the way they're placed brings some light into the car as well, showing the shadow of the raindrops on the windows.Kuroo's the first to break that silence."So sorry to mention this, bro, but are you sure about this? I mean - aren't you scared of ghosts?""Pfft - Me? Scared of ghosts??", comes the indignant reply. Then, a whisper: "I'm terrified of them."(Aka that one fic where Akaashi is a ghost and Bokuto is sad)





	

**Author's Note:**

> Hi there! This is the first fic I've written in a while and, coincidentally, my first HQ fic as well, so I'm sorry if some stuff doesn't make sense! Also, this was a Secret Santa gift for mard-geer-at-animegaysarecanon on tumblr. Check her blog out, she's pretty cool!  
> As for those of you who've stumbled upon this fic without knowing about the secret santa, happy reading!  
> Happy holidays! :)

Bokuto's always had some toxic habits. But the worst one by far is his tendency to associate fond memories to awful moments he'd lived through. For example, that one time he'd failed a class in college - He doesn't recall the dread that'd slithered around him like a hungry snake ready to devour its prey, nor does he remember the tears he'd shed afterwards in his own room in a moment of complete hopelessness and realization that he'd never be good enough - Oh, no no no, what he  _does_ recall is the ice cream he'd had with his roommate afterwards (peanut butter and caramel) and the feeling of soft, charcoal hair under his fingertips. He remembers the owl documentaries they'd watched together afterwards and the way they'd fallen asleep next to each other on the couch, surrounded by half-empty tubs of ice cream, but he doesn't remember being told he's a disappointment by his parents and getting hung up on right after telling them the news.

But that's alright. That's who he is and, if it helps keep him grounded, there's really no harm regarding this coping mechanism.

 

However, despite his lack of self-awareness, even  _Bokuto_ knows he isn't getting any fond memories off of this.

 

Every step feels heavier than the last one. There's a familiar numbness that seems to run through his blood, rendering him incapable of finding a solution to his issue. He knows life sometimes has a "Let's torment Bokuto" day (sometimes week or even month), he's already accustomed to it, to the distinct feeling of knowing something is wrong, but not feeling capable of doing anything, letting apathy seep into his bones. It's been happening more and more frequently lately, often reminding the usually energetic male of his high school days and the way he'd sometimes have that "emo mode", as they'd call it, where he'd just let the negative feelings overcome him in front of everyone, probably making them feel uncomfortable and like they have to help. Though nobody really did help fully, the attention would always give him a boost in his mood and get him through his day. Nowadays? He's twenty-seven, probably suffers of some form of depression that he doesn't have the time, nor the money to deal with, single and he's just gotten fired from his office job, his only way of income. He's not going to have one of those moods in front of people at work, of course, but at home, where nobody can see him? - definitely.

Rushing his steps to almost a full-blown run (it's raining and he can feel himself getting soaked but damn it all if he cares anymore), Bokuto shuffles about, agitatedly trying to find his keys. No no no no no, he can't have forgotten them inside his office, fuck, he's definitely lost them and now he has no way of entering his home until tomorrow or so and even then it's going to be really embarrassing and - Koutarou fails to stop a sigh from leaving his lips and then it's all over, tears starting to desperately spill from his golden eyes as he almost falls to the ground, his badly painted door, a few peeling bits of paint visible from the distance being the only thing keeping him from pathetically lying on the ground and forgetting himself.

Then, almost like a beacon of light that clears your soul and stops your mind from wandering towards awful territory, _he_ appears. Kuroo Tetsurou, Bokuto's main man. His bro. His dude. Or whatever they're calling it these days. After college, they'd kept in touch and, despite now living a very successful life and having found his soulmate (A pretty, tall blond that is quite distant in the beginning, but once he warms up to you, he's one of the most amazing people you've ever met), the ex captain still remembers to drop by his old roommate's place.

 

And as he sees the other male's state, Kuroo knows by now exactly what to do - He's seen this happen many times, the way Bo tends to fall into despair whenever something bad happens. Even if he weren't crying or barely keeping himself from falling, the raven haired male would have still realized that something was obviously wrong merely from the lack of that hopeful light behind his best friend's eyes or the absence of his excited smile as he'd tell him in detail about an encounter with a bird in the park or anything of that caliber. Now, Bokuto looked, simply put, _broken_. 

 So Tetsurou does what he knows best - He opens his arms, inviting Bokuto for a hug and doesn't lose his balance as the latter all but throws himself at him, sobbing into his shoulder. He just rubs his back soothingly, whispering whatever he feels will work.

"Hey, Bo? Hear me out: I was walking home from work - You know how there's that small grocery store right next to my workplace? Yeah, I was around there - and I saw an owl today. And I didn't even realize at first, can you believe that? I'm lucky my best bro knows so much stuff about owls or I would have missed it!", at that, Bo was supposed to let out a small "hey hey hey" or something similar...why was he still sobbing? Better just continue talking. "It was white on the front, had some brown on the back and had that round head, uh, what were those called...?"

Koutarou sniffles, but manages to reply:

"B...Barn owls..."

Kuroo smiles. "Yeah, one of those. Do you think you can walk to the couch? I'll make you some hot chocolate. Or do you want to get the booze out, get piss drunk and regret our bad decisions tomorrow?"

Bokuto only lets a small smile grace his features before returning to his bitter expression. That's new - Had there really been something else going on with Bokuto? Kuroo is, for the second time that evening, genuinely concerned for his friend. At least the sobs have died down (Kuroo can still hear a sigh from time to time from his place in the kitchen, but it's calmed down significantly).

 

Bokuto's not even able to feel guilty anymore - He's been doing this for Kuroo as long as the other's been doing it for him. So when his bro returns, he just puts on a sad smile and takes the hot chocolate wordlessly. Normally they'd wait a bit before talking about whatever's been bothering Koutarou, but right now, Kuroo's got that expression on his face that just reads curiosity and concern - and that's only from what Bokuto can tell, who's never really been perceptive of other people's emotions.

Taking a deep breath, he decides it's better to tell it once loudly and that'll be it (or at least that's his intention, for the intended words end up being just a slight whisper).

"...I got fired today."

Kuroo looks like he's about to say something (something to calm Bo down, clearly), but he has to finish what he wanted to say first...He'll probably start crying again if not.

"I'm just...It's my only source of money. A-And I'm not begging you for money or anything! But I have to pay rent next week and I'm not sure what I'll do, I still have  _some_ savings, but definitely not enough. I'm...scared, Kuroo."

Bokuto means everything he's said - his financial situation is a wreck and it just got worse. But surprisingly, there's no more tears he can shed - There's only a blue, electric touch of hopelessness and grief spreading through his body like a disease, pumping through his veins, running through his blood. There's also a certain degree of uncertainty about his future, but mostly there's just the constant voice of "You'll never be good enough." Getting fired has woken him up and there's a ton of "what ifs" swirling around his brain, bringing only regret. He should've worked harder. He should've put more of his heart into it. And...Wait, Kuroo isn't replying. Did he overshare? Bokuto fakes his signature loud laugh, persisting with a "Got you! You know I'm not scared of anything! Hey hey hey!" and, even though Kuroo obviously doesn't buy it, he knows that pity isn't what Bo needs right now. So he just stares at him disbelievingly for a few seconds, then moving his glance back to the black TV screen.

"Uh, bro?"

"Wha-Oh, yeah, what I wanted to say was that I could lend you some money or ask Tsukki to help. But I was just thinking..."

Kuroo...Thinking? Bokuto makes himself smile with that. But seriously now, the more seconds pass, the deeper Kuroo seems to go into thought. Until...

"I got it!"

"What is it?"

Kuroo had jumped up from the couch the moment he'd said that and was now literally digging through Bokuto's drawers, opening and closing them wildly. 

"C'mon...c'mon...come on..."

And suddenly he seems to find what he'd been looking for again, as he all but throws a...piece of paper (?!) at Bokuto. The white haired male looks disbelievingly at Kuroo, who seemed overly excited over something like that. Then he shrugs and inspects the paper, frowning as he only sees a blue background with some credits written in the lower right corner.

"Look on the other side!"

And, true enough, on the other side of the flyer, you could notice a phone number scribbled down and some title written in big yellow letters.

"' _ **WILL YOU SPEND A NIGHT IN THE HOUSE OF THE SAKAMOTOS FOR 4000 YEN?'**_ "

 

Bokuto's eyes light up with the tiniest glimmer of hope.

"Wait...4000 yen? My rent is 3000 yen...Do you think we can...?"

"Fuck yes we can. So go ahead and pack your stuff while I call whoever this is and see if the offer still stands. And also scold them because _who the fuck uses comic sans on something like that_? And what's up with that Buzzfeed-ish title?!"

Bokuto lets out a small laugh at Kuroo's antics. "Shut up, not all of us can be graphic designers."

"Well, that's why all of you should ask me for help! I'm always kind enough to give it! But that's mostly because I'm poor as shit and need money, though." His expression suddenly turns grim. "HOWEVER, I feel like I'm always like, the second kindest, you get me?"

That perks up Bokuto's attention. 

"Why, bro?"

Kuroo smirks. "Because no matter what I do, _German kids will always be kinder_."

Bokuto bursts out laughing.

 

Twenty minutes and a passive aggressive phone call towards the person who'd put up the ad later and they're set. They'll be sleeping in that house the following night, get the cash and then probably laugh about how easy it had been. They've packed everything, there's only one more thing left: Kuroo has to call Tsukishima and tell him what's going on. 

"Hey sweetheart!"

"Piss off, Kuroo."

Kuroo tries to stifle his laughs as he listens to the way Tsukki's salt is practically oozing out of his phone. He loves tormenting him with cheesy pet names.

"Awe, don't be like that, pumpkin. I just wanted to call to let you know I'm not sleeping home tonight, since - don't call me crazy, okay? - but Bokuto and I found this ad that says we'll get money if we sleep in a haunted house for a night. Yeah, sounds crazy, I know. But who are we to say no to money?"

The silence on the other line would be unsettling for most, but Kuroo's accustomed to his soulmate already. While he waits for Tsukki to respond, he glances down and smiles at the words tattooed neatly on his wrist: "Did you really use a chemistry formula as a pick up line?"

 

From the other side of the room, Bokuto can hear their fond bickering. He's so proud of his friend to have found his soulmate - He really is. He adores seeing that lovesick expression Kuroo gets on his face whenever he's talking about Tsukki and vice versa. Honestly, had he not known them both for such a long time, he'd never have thought these two would ever get together: Kuroo with his awful bed head, puns and that sly, cat-like smirk of his and Tsukishima with his intelligent, albeit salty, remarks and the cool air he's constantly got around him - You'd almost think they're polar opposites. But Bokuto knows better - He's seen them out in town, he's seen them bickering over the smallest things like who goes grocery shopping, he's seen those rare moments when Tsukishima lets a small smile grace his features and joins in on Kuroo's puns - They're so married, marriage would be too trivial of a thing to describe their relationship.

And Bokuto - well, he often tries not to get jealous. Tries not to think of all the times he's glanced at his tattoo as a kid ("Look, mom, it has my name in it too!") and how he'd always dream of marrying a beautiful girl who would help him get through life. Well, later on he discovered how gay he truly was via a small affair with one of his ex-teammates, Konoha Akinori, but that didn't change much, besides the fact that instead of a pretty girl, he'd imagine a handsome guy. But now here he was, twenty seven, jobless and he still hadn't found his soulmate. The words on his wrist were almost taunting, even now, reason why he'd usually wear a watch with a thick strap, so he wouldn't get distracted by wishful thinking during work. But now he didn't have a job, so the words were out in the open, in one of the most calligraphic writings he'd ever seen: "Sorry, Bokuto-san, I didn't mean to scare you."

For a while, he'd tried to figure out what the hell those words could have meant. But now, honestly, he's out of ideas. He's pretty resigned with the fact that he'll never actually meet his soulmate, so that's alright too. He's living his imaginary romance through Kuroo and Tsukki and their stories.

Lost in thought, Bokuto barely notices the odd way Kuroo's looking at him. He seems to have finished his phone call as well. _Oh._

"Okay, let's go and get that money!", he all but yells, excitedly carrying his luggage and practically throwing it in Kuroo's car. Oh, how he loves avoiding conversations.

 

***

The ride there isn't incredibly long - The house is only about 50 kilometers away from Bokuto's apartment. It's also a good thing that the two have similar tastes in music, so there's no arguing over that.

"Wake me up!", yells Kuroo completely out of tune, pretending to wipe a tear.

"Wake me up inside!", yells Bokuto back, flailing around wildly.

[Cut for length]

After their amazing(ly loud) rendition of the chorus of the classic of our generation, a deep silence falls upon the car. It's not awkward - there's no way for it to be, after all these years in which the two have known each other. It's comfortable and it brings Bokuto a moment of peace, just lying in the atmosphere, ignoring the shadow of doubt lurking around him, telling him that he won't always be able to deal with life via haunted houses. But he can deal with that tomorrow. Or the day after tomorrow. Or, preferably, never.

The gentle patter of raindrops on the street, along with the soft songs on the radio make everything even more intimate. Going on trips with Kuroo's always had such an effect on him, bringing him, above everything, the peace of mind he needs - Right now, Bokuto can see the amazing scenery they're driving by, barely able to catch short glimpses of it from time to time, while trying desperately to imprint the last glimpse in his mind forever. (" _Just like life"_ , he thinks). There's also a multitude of stars above him, if he looks directly up from the window - they're all so unique and beautiful and the thought that they're so far away saddens him, honestly. But, what probably calms the ex-captain the most down are the lights placed alternatively on the empty street - they're dim and soft and the way they're placed brings some light into the car as well, showing the shadow of the raindrops on the windows.

Kuroo's the first to break that silence.

"So sorry to mention this, bro, but are you sure about this? I mean - aren't you scared of ghosts?"

"Pfft - Me? Scared of ghosts??", comes the indignant reply. Then, a whisper: "I'm terrified of them."

Kuroo smiles sympathetically. "It's alright, bro. I'll protect you like the great friend that I am!"

"Hell yeah!", Bokuto laughs loudly, patting Kuroo on the back. Normally, they'd high five or something, but the latter has got both his hands on the steering wheel and is not taking his attention off the road just yet.

For a moment, everything seems to be alright. Then they see the house. And, honestly to God, from the outside, it isn't all that bad. Of course, the lighting is dim and Bokuto still has that peaceful feeling etched into his mind - The fear hasn't set in quite yet. Hopefully it won't end up setting in at all, or perhaps only after everything is over with, when he's in his own home, counting the money and suddenly coming to the realization that _wow, he's done all of that_.

The house, as a whole, looks incredibly average - From the neatly trimmed hedges surrounding it, to the garden in the back with flowers whose colors he can only guess and to the wooden details of the door and windows, that contrast with the grey (he hopes?) of the outer walls - if he saw it while on a nightly drive, he wouldn't think it was "haunted". Kuroo looks at him.

"You ready, Bo?"

Bokuto's still not scared, so he nods excitedly and dashes towards the front door, completely forgetting about the keys that were resting in Kuroo's pocket. The latter bursts out laughing at his owlish friend, who was by now pulling that door like crazy in hopes to maximize the probability of it opening or whatever. He whistles shortly, as to signal him about the keys, and takes his sweet time getting to the door, intentionally riling up Bokuto even more.

By the time they open the door, Bokuto's practically bursting with excitement. He glances around curiously at the various paintings adorning the walls and the different rooms visible from where he's standing. There's a lot of them and he's, frankly, sort of scared to go in each and every one of them.

"Where the fuck is the light switch?", Kuroo, as usual, wakes Bokuto up from his mesmerization. 

"Dude. I was having a moment with the house and rooms. Y'know, like, those shitty descriptions in books - You totally ruined it with that swear word!"

 

"Oh Goodness, sorry, how could I have ruined my dear, wonderful, amazing best bro's romantic moment with a house? I'm terribly sorry - Will you ever forgive me?", Kuroo replies, batting his eyelashes, dramatically twisting his hand through his bedhead for maximum effect.

Bokuto starts wheezing. "Th-That was so gay, bro"

Then they both hear an eerie creak, glance at each other in alarm and wordlessly grab their things and rush up the long staircase to their room.

They don't speak a word only after they're sure the house is completely quiet and, even then, what ruins the silence is Kuroo excitedly going to Bokuto and showing him an ugly dress he's found in the closet. It's a really light - almost pastel - pink and it looks as if it had been an intense fuchsia beforehand. Its age is obvious merely by its smell as well - It smells like his grandmother's house when she forgets to clean it for over a month.

After some ushering from Bokuto, Kuroo finally puts that dress away. Bokuto glances at his cheap watch - 11 pm. Only 10 hours left. They need to spend that time wisely.

***

"I'm boreeeeed...", he resents ten second later, lying face down in his bed. 

"Same", comes a short reply from the other bed. 

Suddenly, Bokuto has an idea. 

"Dude, let's do something! Why are we wasting this night? C'mon, get down and let's play truth or dare or something!"

...Kuroo, unfortunately, doesn't share his enthusiasm. 

"Not now, 'm tired..."

After some leg pulling from Bokuto, he's not so tired anymore. The two sit down cross-legged on the carpeted floor, shuffling about, trying to find a comfortable position.

"Dude."

"What?"

"Wanna hear some ghost puns?"

"Fuck no."

" _That's the spirit._ "

A shit-eating grin from Kuroo and an awful pun have Bokuto on the floor laughing as usual. 

And suddenly, it's silent again. It's comfortable silence, of course, with Kuroo still trying to catch his breath from laughing and Bokuto glancing around the room. It's weird how interesting this house looks to him, considering he's never been interested in interior decorating. However, that dark green wallpaper that's peeling off from the side seems oddly familiar and for a moment it feels as if he's somehow connected to the house.

"This feels like college all over again", says the latter after a while. And it's true - One of the only things that got Bokuto through college were Kuroo's puns (well, along with alcohol and whatnot, but the puns were the best part).

Kuroo gets a reminiscing look on his face as well. "Remember how you used to kick me for my puns? Took you long enough to understand good humour."

"Shut up. Also to be honest I'm still mad at you for all those times you cockblocked me in my own room while you were supposed to be away!", Bokuto huffs.

"How was I supposed to know you were in there, _sinning_?", snickers Kuroo.

"Well, either way, it was a definite boner killer most times." Bokuto's got his arms crossed, looking the other way, as to pretend to be pissy.

"But bro, ", Kuroo's shit-eating grin returns, "I thought what _ghost_ up has to come down as well."

Silence. 

"...Can't believe you just made a pun about my penis", Bokuto replies mid-laugh. 

And for a moment, everything is right. Between ghost puns, serious talks and random jokes, the two end up completely forgetting about the job Bokuto got fired from, about the shitty rent and about absent soulmates. But just like anything good in the world, it has to end. And what brings the cheerful atmosphere to an end is the same creaky noise they'd heard before, only incredibly accentuated. 

"B-Bro?", comes Bokuto's shaky voice. "We're going to actually die for 4000 yen, aren't we?"

Kuroo makes an exagerated gesture and whispers back: "Pfft. Nah. No. _We're just gonna be fucking obliterated._ "

His friend's words only serve in scaring Bokuto even further, whose fear is just now returning.

"We should split up. I'll search this storey and you search the first one."

"But Kuroo...Why are you sending  _me_ to the first one?"

"Because I think I've heard something from here. I don't want you getting scared by whatever's on this storey, bro."

Kuroo didn't enjoy manipulating him, but honestly, Bokuto was way more fearless after his initial scaredy cat moments.

"You're so thoughtful! Thank you!"

And thus, Bokuto descends towards the other storey, no care in the world. Except that he's got a bit too many cares and honestly even the sound of his footsteps frightens him, but no worries about that. 

The paintings hanging from the walls almost seem to be staring at him, like in a cliche horror film - Every corner, every window seem to hide lurking shadows. And the multitude of old rooms really don't help the eerie atmosphere at all. Suddenly, the same noise as earlier can be heard, but it's louder, clearer. It's a clinking noise, something similar to champagne glasses - Bokuto isn't sure.  The owlish man sprints towards what he supposes would be the living room, trying not to topple over. Closing the door behind him, he waits, holding his breath. After hearing no noise whatsoever, he sighs, peaking around the room he's entered. It's incredibly different from the others - This one was clean, as if someone  had been taking care of it daily. That ugly green wallpaper wasn't present, instead there lay a beautiful, baby blue one. A big, wooden table with a white tablecloth and various porcelain figures was in the middle. The figures seemed detailed, someone had been obviously put a lot of effort into them. Then, there were the curtains. They had the same light shade of blue as the rest of the room, but what made them different was the figure standing there, glancing out the window. From his standing place, Bokuto could see only a few details: Some beautifully styled, short raven locks, a pair of melancholic eyes adorned with long eyelashes, and a slender body dressed in a pair of tight jeans and a blue shirt.

A small gasp leaves Bokuto's lips and then it's all over: The figure turns around sharply, wide eyes looking at him in alarm. The man strides up to him, looking him straight in the eyes, his expression unfaltering. Bokuto was scared shitless, looking down as if to avoid the man's gaze, trying to find a way to run. Unfortunately, however, the door wouldn't budge and Bokuto was too scared to function. Suddenly, the figure spoke in a low voice, but it was so calm, Bokuto almost lost himself in it. 

"Sorry, Bokuto-san, I didn't mean to scare you."

For a second, the words don't register in his mind - Bokuto can only feel the familiarity of the words hug him, but he has no idea where he's heard them before. And then he remembers his wrist and everything gets softly pieced together. Wait. But then, would this person be Bokuto's...soulmate? After all these years...

At the realization, Bokuto smiles warmly and is just about to jump and hug and kiss his soulmate, but then he sees the stoic expression and remembers he still needs to say this part. _"Okay, Koutarou, you can do this. You can definitely do this. Just say something incredibly smart and charming."_

"Uh-- Did you know owls have asymmetrical ears? Th-They use them to hear noises from all around the forest, which makes them better hunters!"

...Good job, Bokuto.

The man seems to stop breathing for a moment, eyes wide. He brings his wrist up, takes the sleeve a bit backwards and looks at the words tattooed in a messy script there: _"Did you know owls have asymmetrical ears?"_

Mesmerized, Bokuto does the same, revealing his tattoo. He puts his wrist next to his soulmate's, making the tattoos shine a warm, golden color for a second before returning to their natural, black color.

Bokuto lets out a hoot. 

"I've waited my entire life for this moment, oh my God!!"

Then, he rushes to take the man in his arms, but...his hands go through him?

The latter's happiness lasts only a moment, before realizing what's happened.

"Please don't be scared, I'm not here to hurt you or anything", he pleads.

And for Bokuto, that's enough. Seeing those gorgeous aqua eyes stare back at him, he can't say no, especially to his soulmate. He'll believe him.

"Alright, but...Can I ask you something?", Bokuto asks sheepishly. He has to know some stuff before keeping this up. The ghost(?) seems sort of confused, but he nods anyway.

"So...How did you know my name? What's  _your_ name? How did you get here? Are you a ghost? Or...Are you something else? Ooh! Like a shapeshifter or a vampire! That'd be so cool! Wait, if you're a shapeshifter, can you turn into an owl too? Can I see?"

The questions kept going and going and going and the man seemed to be lost for a second before regaining his composure.

"My name is Akaashi Keiji, I knew your name because I somehow know the name of anyone who steps in this house, I'm not willing to explain any further and yes, I am a ghost, sorry, I can't turn into an owl."

"Awe, alright then. But how come you are a ghost?", asks Bokuto.

Gretchen's voice from Mean Girls echoes through his mind: "You can't just ask people why they're ghosts!", so the man decides to change his phrasing.

"N-No need to explain if you don't want to! It's fine!"

Akaashi seems lost for a second, but then shrugs. "I'd rather not share, then. Thank you, Bokuto-san."

Bokuto is about to swing his arm around Akaashi, but then he remembers how he wouldn't be able to do that. 

 

Silence follows. It's, somehow, not awkward - Not because they'd known each other for a while, but exactly because the two seemed to be studying each other: Akaashi was staring intensely at Bokuto and viceversa, looking at high cheekbones on a beautiful, feminine face, respectively at a cheery smile on a more masculine one. The thought of Kuroo and how he probably thinks he's dead crossed Bokuto's mind once, but soon enough forgot it as Akaashi spoke:

"So...Soulmates, huh? To be fair, I never expected this to happen after all these years. And you must've been looking for me too, right, Bokuto-san? I'm sorry to have kept you waiting for so long."

Bokuto doesn't know how to let the man know that it's completely alright, that he's been hiding too, it's alright--So he just brings his wrist next to his and shows him the tattoos once again.

"It doesn't matter, Akaashi! I've been looking, yeah, but I wasn't looking too hard either! And at least we have each other now too, right?"

His newfound soulmate seems to avoid his gaze and, subsequently, his question as well. And, for once, Bokuto picks up on the fact that Akaashi didn't want to talk about that. So he changes the subject.

"Uh...Do you like owls?"

Akaashi's face lights up and he starts...blushing? It's incredibly obvious on his pale skin, unfortunately for him.

"I...didn't really start liking them until I was 17."

Why 17? Is Bokuto supposed to get this - _Oh._ Yeah. When your tattoos appear.

Bokuto smiles widely.

"Akaashi! You're too sweet!!", he's all but whining by now and Akaashi can't help a smile of his own. 

"Ooh! Tell me, what do you call the place where owls spend the night?"

Bokuto's grinning and Akaashi is mildly concerned, but he replies nonetheless.

"But Bokuto-san, owls are nightly creatures and even if they do spend the night, it's usually just them resting in trees..."

"Wrong, Akaashi, they spend the night at _hootels_!", Bokuto says, then starts wheezing. Akaashi just smiles at his dork of a soulmate. He's already amazing, why didn't they meet earlier, when he was still, well, alive...?"

At one point or another, Bokuto stops laughing and realizes the melancholic state his soulmate's in. He looks at him and crooks his head to the side in an owlish way, asking him what the problem is.

"It's nothing. I was just thinking about how many things we could've done together, how many memories we could've shared, had we met while I was still with the living. I've always looked for my soulmate and dreamt about finding him and now you're here and...You're more than I ever imagined. I-I'm overwhelmed, I'm sorry."

A single tear slips down Akaashi's face and Bokuto immediately wants to hug him, remembering their situation, though. Before he knows it, he's crying too, not for himself for a change, but for Akaashi, who seemed absolutely devastared at the discovery. Of course, Bokuto was more than just sad as well, but now was the time to be there for Akaashi, if he couldn't have been there when he died.

Akaashi wipes his tears and looks down.

"I'm sorry for losing my composure. I just have a lot of regrets - I wanted to do so many things with my life, Bokuto-san. I wanted to find you, I wanted to become a writer, I wanted to settle down and get a few dogs and - oh, God, I even had a bucket list. And then, while I was avoiding living my life, someone took it from me."

At Bokuto's silence, Akaashi immediately keeps going: "Sorry for speaking so much. I didn't want to burden you with my personal problems."

But the ex-captain isn't having any of it: He goes up to him and hugs him - Well, not really, since his hands go straight through him, but he believes at least Akaashi can get some comfort out of it.

"Don't ever apologize for talking, Akaashi. I'm here now and you won't have to be so lonely. I promise."

And Akaashi wants to tell him it's impossible, but his heart doesn't let him. After the moment's passed, Bokuto just looks at his soulmate and smiles. 

"What do you want to do now?"

"Could you just...Tell me about what life's like now? In the outside world? I haven't left this house in a while...", comes Akaashi's reply, reduced to almost a whisper.

And Bokuto, despite feeling incredibly sad for Akaashi, regains his composure and starts to excitedly blabber about Kuroo and about Tsukishima and about the various happenings nowadays. And honestly - He's never been so happy before: The conversation between them flows smoothly, with random jokes thrown in and it's so amazing and pleasant that Bokuto doesn't even realize how late it is until he looks at the clock and realizes it's about five am, three hours before they leave the house. Akaashi immediately notices the shift in the atmosphere.

"What's wrong, Bokuto-san?"

A yawn. "Ah, it's nothing, I was just looking at the time."

"Would you want to go to sleep?"

Another yawn. " 'm not tired. Are you, 'kaashi?"

The ghost smiles softly. "No, ghosts don't sleep. But I can show you to your room if you wish to sleep."

Bokuto immediately puts his hands in front of him like a small child. "I'm not leaving, I want to spend these hours talking to you!"

...It takes Akaashi some strength not to burst out crying for the second time that night.

 

*** 

Truth is, at one point or another, Bokuto does fall asleep, but it's next to Akaashi, who lets him sleep, playing softly with his gelled hair. It's amazing how a person can suddenly change your life and mood like that and Akaashi is, for the first time in a long while, genuinely happy. But sadness strokes his heart with cold fingers whenever that happens, as may be the case with Bokuto. He has to let him go at one point and he knows how difficult it's gonna be to be separated from him, now that he knows of his existence. It's gonna be difficult, but it will be for the best. So Akaashi waits until Bokuto is about to wake up, glances at him one more time, kisses his forehead and disappears just as Kuroo walks in.

"Dude, really?!"

Bokuto is awoken abruptly, looking at his best friend, who seemed more than a bit angry about being forgotten about.

"Not cool, Bo. Not cool. I was looking for you all this time and you had locked yourself in here? You nearly gave me a heart attack!'

"...Sorry, bro. I don't know what I was doing."

A look through his room is all it takes for Bokuto to realize that he did, in fact, know what he'd been doing. He suddenly rises to his feet and all but glomps Kuroo.

"I found my soulmate, bro! His name is Akaashi and he's so pretty! And he likes owls! Like, can you believe that? He's so amazing - We talked for a while and stuff."

But instead of the cheery reaction Bokuto expected, Kuroo just looks at him with concern.

"Look, Bokuto, I know you're sad about not being able to find your soulmate, but you'll see him one day. I promise. You probably fell asleep in here and dreamt everything, sorry, Kou."

"No no no! I did! Honestly! He's a ghost, but he's incredibly friendly, Tetsu!"

"Dude."

"I promise! Please believe me! I'll find him in a second!"

Then Bokuto takes off running, looking around the house, yelling for Akaashi, but he doesn't find him. He's almost desperate - There's a little crack in his heart - Where is Akaashi? Did he not like Bokuto? Did he insult him by falling asleep?

There was an endless abyss of questions and Bokuto was falling head first into it.

 

***

 

"Alright, I've already packed, we're ready to leave and grab the mone-- You okay, Bo? Still thinking about that dream you had?"

"I've already told you - It wasn't a dream!", says Bokuto, gesticulating wildly. He's actually, for once, feeling angry at Kuroo - Why is he dismissing him so easily? Alright, yes, ghosts can be a bit unbelievable, but Akaashi was real and Kuroo was supposed to trust him on this one!

He can hear a sigh from Kuroo. The latter probably knows they aren't going anywhere unless he admits that he does, in fact, believe him. "I...trust you, bro. It's alright."

They hug again, say their "no homo"s and head towards the exit. Only - Something is missing. There's a hole in Bokuto's heart, a distinct feeling of sharp longing. It's no longer the idea of not finding his soulmate that bothers him, it's way worse - It's knowing who his soulmate is and how amazing and beautiful and funny he is, but not being able to go to him. And, somehow, that hurts even more.  
Suddenly, he feels a strong ache around his wrist. It's not necessarily too painful, it's just kind of...there. So he raises his wrist to his face in order to analyze it, only to realize it's...glowing? That beautiful golden color has returned, making hope, just as golden, bloom in Bokuto's heart. He looks back at the house one last time, only to see Akaashi on the porch. Any normal protagonist in one of Kuroo's shitty mangas would have waved and then walked off, right?

Well, Bokuto was no manga character. So he runs, runs as fast as he can, towards the porch, trying to hug Akaashi one last time. Of course he topples over because his soulmate is a ghost. But does he care anymore? No. He's at least got actual proof it wasn't a dream - There's no need to glance back at Kuroo, Bokuto's sure he's got his mouth gaped open, staring at the two.

"Akaashi!! Why did you leave?"

Akaashi smiles bitterly.

"I just didn't want to burden you, Bokuto-san. You're aware that I can't leave the house, right?"

Bokuto immediately looks down at him. "Really? Oh my God, sorry, 'kaashi, I didn't know!"

His frown is soon enough replaced with a hopeful smile. "Wait...Can I still visit you, then? If you're not mad at me or anything? Or I could- I mean, I'm broke, but maybe if I get a job I can buy this house and we could be together?"

The spectre chuckles.

"I'd like that very much, actually."

Koutarou's signature big grin returns. "I'll make the most money ever and buy this house then! Can't wait to see you again, Akaashi!"

A pretend-hug. And then they leave, a promise on their lips that they'll see each other again.

 

***

Bokuto has a lot of toxic habits: One of his worst is remembering awful things as good ones. But is there truly anything bad to cover up about this experience?


End file.
